Archive for the ‘Self-doubt’ Category

Writing is hard

April 2, 2008

There are so many different days with writing. Sometimes, like yesterday, it just flows from my fingertips, and I love every word.

Other days, like today, I can’t seem to get a rhythm going, the words all seem like crap, and nothing wants to come out. I can’t think of the next scene, I can’t think of the next action.

Today is definitely one of those days. I finished the editing I had to do to leave time for writing, and now I’m sitting here just staring, writing a few sentences here and there, knowing it’s not right but not really knowing how to fix it.

Grr to frustrating writing days.


Listen up, BICHOK

March 20, 2008

No, I did not just swear (though it sounded kind of mean, huh? ;-)). BICHOK stands for Butt In Chair, Hands On Keyboard.

And you know what? That’s what I’ve been doing. I have forced myself to get over this huge fear of rewriting the beginning of my book. Why did I need to? I couldn’t move on later in the book with it written as it was, so I knew it needed to happen.

Do you know what it feels like to look at 100 single spaced pages and know that a good portion of it is going to change? Gah. INTIMIDATING.

But sometimes you just have to open the document, stare at it in fright for 10 minutes, and put those hands on the keyboard and START. Work through the fear, and find the story again. Yes, it’s changing. Change is scary. But I’ve started. And every time I open that document and change a little more, it still scares me.

But I told that BICHOK I would do it, and so I am.

On a side note, Jaci Burton wrote a lovely post today on the 70 Days of Sweat blog about one of my biggest faults – comparing yourself to other writers. Check it out!

Writing To Write? Or Writing To Sell?

November 17, 2007

Lately I’ve been in a quandry. As you all know, I’m working on a witches story. Well, of course, the paranormal market is saturated, totally filled up, so I get to thinking: Will my book sell? Then I start second guessing my talent, is my writing good enough to make this book good enough to sell? Or should I write something else? Should I just focus on my contemporaries, finish the category books I’ve started, rather than keeping on with the witches even though I’ve now got the storyline nailed in my head?

All these “should I’s” and “what if’s” are ruining my writing mojo. Seriously. I’m losing perspective of WHY I’m writing. Hell yes, I want to sell a book so it gets published, but more than anything I want to tell my stories and share them with the world and hopefully they will enjoy them as much as I do. I want to tell them in my way. I want to tell my stories, the ones that are screaming in my head right now rather than the ones that would end up coming out mediocre because I wrote what I thought would sell.

Sigh. It’s so hard being a writer sometimes, knowing which path to take, which story to tell first when you’ve got ump-teen in your head just waiting to be told by you. This is where self-confidence and self-esteem come in… believe in your ability to tell a story that others will want to read, a story that editors know others want to read and will want to buy.

When self doubt comes creeping in, it’s never pretty and certainly never fun, and that’s where I found myself yesterday. Full of doubt in my abilities to tell my witches story well enough that the editors out there are going to like it despite the fact that the paranormal market is hard to break into. So I talked to my sister, Kate, and felt a little better. Then I chatted on Yahoo with gal pal and fellow Bradford Buncher Lauren Dane who had me talking it all out and explaining the why’s and how’s of it all, a conversation which I walked away from feeling much, much better about myself, my writing, and my ability to tell a story.

So today, after I finish working the day job, I’ll be getting back to my witches story as I’ve now regained the confidence to do so, the confidence that unwillingly seeped away for a brief period of time and will undoubtedly do so again in the future.

But you know what? I’m a writer. I love it, and I’m going to tell you a story, one that I hope the editors will like enough so that I can share it with you, and one that I hope you’ll enjoy.